


Dark Paradise

by ropeless_anchor



Category: One Direction
Genre: Accident, Alternate Universe, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Euthanasia, Happy Ending, Hurt Harry Styles, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pining, Swearing, i dont know how to properly do tags, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 01:27:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4984576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ropeless_anchor/pseuds/ropeless_anchor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I heard them loud and clear. God knows I fucking wish I didn’t because that could only mean one thing…” he rubs his eyes to prevent tears from falling down, “…and I am not ready, so don’t you dare leave me. Don’t you fucking die on me, Haz.” </p><p>Or, Louis can hear dying people's thoughts. Harry is dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This is my first fanfiction ever and English is not my first language so this is my sorry in advance for grammatical errors. Please leave a comment so I can improve. I wrote this in the middle of my mid-term and I am honestly quite proud of it so please give it a shot!  
> This is focused on Louis/Harry relationship so the other characters are very minor. Oh, and I don't have that much knowledge nor research about medical injuries so I just put in a general knowledge that all of us must know, because then again that is not the focus of this story. This is not beta'd so the mistakes are all on me.
> 
> The title is from Lana Del Rey's song of the same name.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is entirely fictional and has nothing to do with the namesakes of the characters. I do not own ONE DIRECTION.

They honestly can’t tell who pushes the other away first. All they know is in the blink of an eye, what they had before was lost. Gone was the hidden giggles at interviews, sexual innuendos they’ve had always enjoyed, physical touches here and there, Harry’s burst of laughter at Louis’ bad jokes, and sleepless nights watching crappy reality TV shows.

Harry realizes it at first, though. He was lying on his bed and just staring into the emptiness when he decided to go to Louis’ room. He had glimpsed nervously at his phone before, asking himself if it was tolerable to come knocking at someone’s room at two in the morning. After taking a deep breath, he put on his white T-shirt and sweat pants and went to Louis’ room.

It takes three knocks for Louis to grumpily ask, “Who is it?”

Harry freezes. What should he do? Should he turn away and forget everything he wants to say earlier? Or should he say his name and get on with it? Should he go, or should he stay? Maybe that last one has always been the question.

“I, uhm…” Harry starts, “I-it’s Harry. Erm… Do you… I mean… am I interrupting someth…?”

That’s when the the door is opened and he’s met with a sleepy and topless Louis. Harry has to bite his bottom lip to restrain himself from focusing his gaze on Louis’ messy hair and pouty lips. He definitely looks like a kid roughly awakened from their good sleep.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Lou. You should—you know—probably go back to sleep. You look…uhm…tired.”

Louis lets out an audible sigh, his shoulders go up and down along the process. “Come in,” he holds the door open without even looking at the person in front of him. Harry holds his breath for a while. There was a time where this isn’t a response he would get from waking Louis up from his sleep. There was a time where Louis would laugh at the sight of Harry standing in front of his door, “ _What’s wrong, Haz? Miss me already?_ ” There was a time when exhausted Harry would come knocking and Louis would say, “ _It’s okay, Haz. You can sleep with me.”_ because he knows—he _fucking_ knows—that Harry doesn’t like sleeping alone. He knows it.

“Well, mate, are you going to come in or what?”

For a split second Harry thinks of going back to his room and says that he just made a mistake.

He doesn’t do it, though. He lets his mind guide him—instead of his legs—to Louis’ bed and sit at the edge of it. “I can’t sleep,” Harry starts, looking at Louis. He is waiting for a response, a _you-know-for-sure-you-can-sleep-here_ kind of response, and turns his face away when he is not getting any.

Louis just stands there. He just stands there.

After five seconds of painful silence, Louis says, “Well, you probably shouldn’t have taken that coffee this morning. It tends to keep people awake, you know.”

Harry laughs and shakes his head, “Yeah, silly me.”

Another silence.

“Have I done something wrong, Lou?” Harry asks.

Louis raises his eyebrows, startled by the question he just heard. “What?”

“You heard me. Did I do something bad? You could just tell me, you know, because I honestly don’t know.”

 _Fuck_ , Louis thinks. What did he do to get in this situation? Harry is looking at him with pleading eyes like a kid begging for candies, and Louis honestly doesn’t know how to handle this sad Harry. This _hurt_ Harry.

“What do you mean? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you acting different?”

The air has suddenly become thick and Louis wonders how much longer he can keep this going without making the situation worse. “I’m not acting different, Harry. You…you don’t know what you’re talking about. You should go to sleep because you look extremely exhausted. Hence all this…,” he makes a circle on the air, “…weirdness.”

 _Haz_ , Harry thinks. _Fucking call me Haz_.

“I’m not being weird, I’m being honest, Lou. I’m just saying what I have in mind and you should probably do the same. Don’t give me all that bullshit about you not realizing there’s something wrong between us. We don’t joke around as much as we used to. Wait, we _don’t_ joke around anymore. You are clearly pushing me away and I am tired of it.” He takes a deep breath, “I just want my best friend back.”

Louis shakes his head, “I don’t mean to… I mean…”

“What? Just say it,” Harry says, his voice softens.

“It’s just…” Louis looks at Harry, “The rumours.”

Harry raises his eyebrows, “ _The_ rumours? What about them? We all know they’re just a joke, Lou. Let the fans think what they want to think. We shouldn’t be bothered by them, we should just let them do what makes them happy.”

“I’m starting to be annoyed by them, Harry. I don’t like it.”

Harry gets up from the bed and walks towards Louis. With Harry towering over him, Louis feels so small. “Is that why you’re doing this? To avoid those rumours?”

“Stop it, Harry. Just go back to sleep.”

 _Haz_.

“There must be something we can do, Lou. You don’t need to push me away.”

“I didn’t push you away.”

“But you _fucking_ did, Louis! You _fucking_ did! You wanna know what makes me mad? Because it isn’t even something that I did! All I did—all _we_ did—was having fun and it’s not fair for you to just take it all away from me. Grow up, Lou! Face it like a real man!”

Louis stiffens at that last sentence, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“If you are so annoyed by those fucking rumours, why don’t you deny it, huh? If you are so irritated by _that_ particular rumour, then be a man and fucking deny it!”

“Don’t you _fucking_ raise your voice at me. Why don’t _you_ deny it?”

 _Oh, good_ , Louis thinks, _very mature comeback_.

Harry is shaking his head, “You know what? You’re right, I should probably get some sleep. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow you would magically become an adult I always thought you were.”

 _That’s it_.

He will not let Harry get away with what he just said. How fucking could he? How could he blame Louis for what’s happened? How could he put this on Louis’ shoulders and make it worse than it already is? Why can’t he just understand why it has bothered Louis all along? Louis didn’t have to say out loud the reason why he doesn’t like _the_ rumour, did he?

“Okay, that’s _fucking_ enough. Get the _fuck_ out and don’t ever come knocking at my _fucking_ door ever again. We do not have to interact at all on stage and we certainly do not have to talk outside the shows. I can manage doing it all just fine. I still have three of my best lads who understand and appreciate me…” he shoots Harry an intense glare,”…losing one is _not_ that big of a deal. ”

Harry is shaking by now and his eyes are red. Louis could see how hard he fights the tears and he is doing a bad job at it because he involuntarily lets a tear drop from his left eye. After that one drop, the tears just stream down his face. Louis should feel bad—he really _should_ —but he can’t bring himself to feel anything right now.

“You don’t mean it, Lou. Take it back.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry sobs, “I shouldn’t have said that. I… I just miss you so bad and I want you to be my best friend again. That’s all I ever wanted.”

Still no response. Louis is walking towards his bed and suddenly realizes that his legs— _no, his entire fucking body_ —is shaking too.

“Lou.”

 _Stop it, Haz_ , Louis thinks. _Stop fucking crying_.

Louis is now sitting at the edge of his bed with his back facing Harry.

“You know, Harry, maybe we just grow apart. When people grow up they tend to be able to see things more clearly. It’s probably what’s happened to me, too. Being in this band is not easy—don’t get me wrong, I am grateful—and I have to _fight_ to keep this band together. It’s a lot easier to know that the fans, the people I dearly love, the members of this band, are all worth fighting for…” Louis has to stop because he is also about to cry, “…maybe I just feel like you are not worth it.”

Harry is crying so hard right now without even trying to hide it.

“Lou, please _…_ ”

Louis takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as his tears fall down. He keeps his voice steady, “You can see yourself out.”

*

Louis’ grandmother passed away when he was eleven.

His parents had assured him that she felt no pain at the hour of her death. All the doctor had to do was pull the plug and she had gone in her sleep. _Why, though?_ Louis had asked. _She cannot breathe on her own anymore, don’t you think we could finally let her rest without those machines all over her body?_ Her mother had answered with puffy eyes, trying so hard to be strong in front of him.

Louis didn’t tell any living soul about what happened to him two nights before. He was in his grandmother’s room reading a magazine her mother had bought when he heard a faint voice. It only took him two seconds to realize it was his grandmother’s. Louis recognized her voice just like he recognized his own.

_…and all the butterflies have to be there too because had there were no butterflies I would not have met him. Umm… Yes, yes, that definitely will be my kind of heaven. Swinging in the backyard with my friends…and then the butterflies came out of nowhere… and we chased them around. He has to be twelve years old again, and me ten years old. Then he will come to me and say, ‘I see you girls are chasing butterflies, do we want to catch them?’ Yeah, that will be my kind of heaven._

“G—grandma?”

Louis looked up from his magazine to see his grandmother. She was still immobile just like Louis had expected and there was no trace of her talking just now, so Louis must have imagined it. Except he didn’t, because while he was looking at her, he could hear her voice again as if she was speaking right next to him.

_…they can’t… God, how can I tell them it’s okay to let go of me?_

Louis froze. Did he just hear his grandmother’s dying thoughts? _Final thoughts_? Is that even possible? Well, it apparently is because it is happening right now. He was terrified but when he walked to his grandmother’s bed and saw her peacefully sleeping, he just knew that this isn’t something to be afraid of. He should be grateful.

He leaned in to kiss his grandmother’s forehead. “It’s going to be okay, Grandma. You can go to that heaven of yours right now, say hi to Grandpa for me, will you?”

His grandmother passed away two nights after, and even though Louis knew he should feel bad about her passing, he couldn’t blame himself from feeling relieved instead.

*  
 

Louis can’t bring himself to sleep after Harry left.

He had tried to count from one thousand to zero in hope he’d sleep along the way, he had tried not to move for fifteen minutes (he failed), he had tried to sing himself a lullaby his mother used to sing whenever he or his sisters couldn’t sleep, only to fail miserably.

 _No_ , Louis thinks. _You shouldn’t feel bad about it. He shouldn’t have said those words._

He looked at his phone to check the clock. Four o’clock in the morning. The band is going to have a radio interview at eight o’clock and he couldn’t even get some rest he really needs. It has been two hours since his fight with Harry and he considers going to his room to talk about it because he _hates_ having conflicts with any of his band mates—especially _Harry_.

He was about to get up when suddenly someone knocks at his door.

“LOUIS! LOUIS! GET THE FUCK UP! LOU!”

Liam. Louis could feel the panic on his voice so there must be something _really_ wrong.

He opens the door, “I swear if this is some kind of pra…”

“It’s Harry.”

Just two words. It only takes those two words to make Louis’ whole world crumbles. Something had happened to Harry and all Louis can think about is his pleading green eyes, trying desperately to find the light he used to hold on in Louis’ blue eyes. There was no light, there was only anger.

“What…happened?”

_No, don’t fucking answer it. Just don’t. I do not need to know._

“He’s been in an accident and they’re taking him to the hospital. Niall and Zayn are on their way there from a club nearby. We gotta hurry up, Lou. Grab your things.”

Louis does not move. He can still feel Harry’s presence in his room. He was only gone for two hours, what on earth could possibly happen to him?

“Now, Louis.”

Louis closes his eyes trying to process what’s happening. This can’t be right. This kind of thing can’t just happen. _He is only nineteen, for God’s sake, if anything happened to him…_ Liam’s phone rings and he picks it up with his trembling hand, almost dropping it along the process. He presses the phone to his ear and his face goes pale. He nods his head and hangs up.

“Shit, Lou…” his voice is shaking, “…it’s bad.”

*

Everything that happened after was a blur.

Louis couldn’t remember getting into the cab and going to the hospital. He remembered seeing Niall and Zayn pacing before Liam asking them about Harry’s condition. “He’s in the emergency room and we are not allowed to go there. He’d be put in a room in a while,” Niall had said. “It’s pretty bad, he hit his head pretty hard and he was bleeding internally. It was…uhm…” he looked at Zayn asking silently if it was okay to continue, “…it was a hit and run. Harry was crossing the road when the car hit him. He was lying there for ten minutes before someone called an ambulance.”

 _Hit and run._ The words taste bitter inside Louis’ mouth and he restrains himself from throwing up. _He was lying there on the cold and dark road._

Zayn then said while looking at Louis, “He’s lucky. We are all lucky. The doctor said if it was five minutes late he might not make it. But he’s a strong one, that kid. He will be alright.”

_Alone. He was lying there alone. Was he conscious? Was he in pain? Was he desperately trying to call someone—anyone—to get him out of the pool of his own blood? Was he scared? Was he…was he cold?_

“We’ve already informed his family. Gemma and Anne are flying here,” someone had said. Louis couldn’t tell who.

_He was alone for ten minutes. The fucking bastard just left him to die without even trying to call an ambulance, was it so hard to call a fucking ambulance?_

Louis leans on the wall and slowly lets his body fall to the floor. _No, this can’t be happening_. He can see from his peripheral vision that a doctor just came out and the three lads are doing what he should be, asking questions to the doctor. He should get up now.

He doesn’t, though.

He just sits there and closes his eyes, slowly letting the tears fall down. He rocks his body back and forth like a little kid. It wasn’t until Zayn came and said, “Lou, come on. We can see him,” that he gets up and walks towards Harry’s room with Zayn’s hand around his waist and Louis’ hand on his shoulder to keep him from falling. _What the fuck, Lou? Now you can’t walk on your own? Great._

Liam opens the door and they all come in. Harry is lying there and Louis can’t remember seeing him as pale as he is right now. There are cuts all over his pale skin and face. Even though a figure in front of him is broken, Louis thinks, he is still beautiful. Harry has always been _beautiful_. That’s what angers Louis the most because someone as beautiful and innocent as he is doesn’t deserve this kind of thing. The sight in front of him _hurts_ all limbs of Louis’ body and he suddenly feels like there is no air left and he just _needs_ to get out.

So he does.

“Lou…” someone is calling.

“I need fresh air.”

“No, Lou,” turned out it was Liam. “Don’t be a fucking coward this time. Don’t you think I didn’t know what happened before he went out alone?”

Louis turns around to face them. “What do you mean?”

Liam continues, “He came knocking at my door at three to say he couldn’t sleep. The minute I saw him I knew he’s been crying and I knew—I just _knew_ —that you had been involved. _You fucking wrecked the kid, Lou_. I asked him what happened but he was reluctant to tell me at first, then when I asked him if it was about you, Louis, he just cried. He just cried like a fucking five year old and I didn’t know what to do because I couldn’t fix him. He was broken, Louis. He told me everything, about how you said you didn’t want to interact with him ever again, who the fuck does that?”

“Liam, you don’t understand…”

“No, _you_ don’t understand, Louis! Look…” he lowers his voice when Zayn puts his hand on his shoulder, “He’s nineteen years old and he has so much on his shoulders already. What with the fame and all. He needs us, Lou. Can’t you imagine how it pained him to hear those words coming out of your mouth?”

“Do you even know the whole story? He told me to grow the fuck up like I was a kid!”

“Why don’t you deny the rumours?”

Something inside Louis snaps, “Wh—what?”

“I’m probably saying what Harry had already said, aren’t I? Why don’t you deny the rumours if you are so bothered that you have to sacrifice your friendship with Harry?”

“Jesus…” Louis rolls his eyes. “Why doesn’t he do it, then?”

“Seriously, Louis fucking Tomlinson?” Niall says as if he couldn’t believe what he just heard. “I know you can be stupid sometimes, but I don’t know you are _this_ stupid.”

“Thanks, man, I really need that reassurance.”

“Lou,” Zayn steps in. “The reason why he didn’t deny all those rumours is because he doesn’t think they’re wrong.”

“I… I don’t…”

_I think I’m being cliché right now, getting all religious in my last hours. But if You are up there, God, please take care of my family. Just…let them know I loved them all so much. I’m afraid I didn’t show it enough._

“What?” Louis asked, his voice raspy. “What family?”

Nobody answers him. The boys are just looking at each other for a millisecond. “Err… You okay, Lou? Is there something wrong with your family?” Zayn asks, looking at Louis with his furrowed eyebrows.

_Fuck no._

_Jesus Christ._

That was Harry’s voice. That was Harry’s thoughts.

 _…and the band. I don’t know if they will keep going, but I sure hope so. I don’t… I don’t want them to stop chasing their dreams when I’m gone. So, please— whoever is listening up there—let them know that it will be okay at the end. Please take care of those whiny babies, especially Niall, I think he would take it the hardest_.

Louis has to close his eyes tight and bite his bottom lip to prevent himself from physically scream _how dare you, Harry? How dare you say it’s fucking Niall who will take it the hardest? How fucking dare you?_

“Guys, I think I need some time alone with Harry.”

*

“I heard them, Haz. I heard them loud and clear.”

Louis is sitting beside Harry. He is looking straight at him, tracing the cuts on his face smoothly with his trembling thumb. He is doing it very carefully as if Harry was a figure of glass and if he put any pressure on him he’d break him.

Maybe he already did.

“God knows I fucking wish I didn’t because that could only mean one thing…” he rubs his eyes to prevent tears from falling down, “…and I am not ready, so don’t you dare leave me. Don’t you fucking die on me, Haz.”

He took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m sorry. I know I am a coward. I know I am selfish. I know I am _every_ bad thing you could think of me, and I am very sorry. I—I guess I’m just afraid…shit... I’m sorry if you feel like I have been avoiding you all this time. You’re right, I probably did it on purpose.”

_Please talk back, Harry fucking Styles. I thought this would be easier with you being unconscious, but fuck, this only makes this harder._

“I pulled myself away from you because if I hadn’t, I would be falling for you deeper and deeper each day.”

He is pretty sure he is crying now.

“I was so mad at you earlier because I was hoping you could understand, Haz, I was hoping you could see why those rumours had bothered me all along. I wouldn’t be bothered by rumours that weren’t true, now, would I? Maybe—just maybe—those rumours bothered me because they were true. Maybe I did fall in love with you along this crazy journey. I mean who wouldn’t love those dimples and curls, right?”

Louis lets out a bitter laugh and he could be imagining it, but he’s pretty sure he sees Harry’s lips curved up a bit.

“And when you basically told me to deny those rumours, that’s where I lost it. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t say ‘ _no, I am not in love with him and he is just my best friend that I love as much as my other lads’_ because there is always a bigger place for you in my fucking heart. There always has been since the very beginning. I am so sorry for getting mad at you. I am so fucking stupid and scared, Haz. If you wake up— _when_ you wake up, don’t you fucking dare leave after I poured my heart out—you can shout at me for as long as you can and I will not say a word. You can scream at me, you can beat me, hit me, kick me—I don’t care—as long as you get to say when you want to say. So please, _please_ , wake up. I can’t…” a sob escapes from his mouth, “…I can’t see you like this, Haz.”

There is a soft knock on the door.

“Lou?” It was Zayn. “Hey, mate, I bring you coffee. Niall and Liam are both at the canteen to grab something to eat, you should join them. You look like shit.”

“Yeah? If I look like shit, what do _you_ look like?” Louis smiles at him before turning back at Harry. He looks at him like he was afraid to let him out of his sight.

“It’s gonna be okay, Lou. I’m gonna be here. He is also gonna be here when you get back.”

Louis nods and hesitantly holds Harry’s cold hands for a moment, “I’ll be right back, okay, Haz?”

He was about to leave the room when he suddenly hears a whispery voice— _Harry’s_ voice—as if he was speaking right to his ears, sending shivers down his already trembling body. Harry’s voice is soft and he could hear him shaking as he says his next words. He sounds so desperate and Louis just wants to hug him if not for the fact that he is so taken aback by his words.

_Please, God, let me live, I just need Louis to know._

*

It’s been three days. Three _fucking_ long days.

Gemma and Anne are already here and Harry’s condition is getting better. _He will live_ , the doctor had said. _We just need him to wake up._ Louis couldn’t believe it at first, because he usually hears people’s last thoughts before they died, and Louis would give his deepest thanks to anyone up in heaven who changes the rule and make an exception for Harry. Maybe the universe is on his side this time, maybe the voices in heaven know that Louis can never live his life if Harry is gone, not after what he had said in that fucking hotel room. He knows damn well Harry didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

“Hey, Haz.”

Louis holds Harry’s hand and interlaced their fingers together. Harry’s fingers are still cold and pale but Louis’s warmth is radiating to his hand.

“I didn’t hear anything this past two days, and I am quite grateful for that. I’m still dead curious about what you want me to know, though, but it can wait,” he puts Harry’s hand on his cheek and closes his eyes, “ I want us to talk about it, not just you messing with my mind without being able to hear what I had to say. Don’t get me wrong, I do like hearing your voice…” he puts Harry’s hand down and kisses it briefly, “… I guess I just miss you, Haz.”

_Please wake up._

Louis doesn’t say anything after that. He just looks at Harry—really looks at him—and smiles. _Don’t leave me, Harry. If you can hear me, please wake up._ _We could make it all better after this._

That’s when Louis feels a very light squeeze on his fingers. His body stiffens. He is pretty sure he didn’t imagine what just happened. He is waiting for what feels like the longest time ever, then he feels it again. This time it’s clear that Harry is trying to let Louis—or whoever he thinks is holding his hand—know that he is trying so hard to come back. He is not giving up.

“Haz…”

Harry’s eyelids moved, and before Louis knows it, they are opened.

Harry is scanning the unfamiliar room and his grip around Louis’ hand tightens. When his eyes meet Louis’, Louis can see the hurt in those sad green eyes. “Hey there,” Louis smiles and a tear drops from his eye. And gone was the hurt in Harry’s eyes, it is replaced with something Louis couldn’t quite tell. _Hope?_ _Reassurance? Relief?_

No, Louis thinks. It’s _comfort_. Harry has found the light in Louis’ eyes, the one he had been clinging to for so long, the light that can always remind him of what home feels like. Harry had found his home again in Louis’ eyes. Louis swears he would never take that away from Harry ever again.

He knows he is supposed to call a doctor, a nurse— _someone_ —but he wants to enjoy this for a little while before he presses that button. He leans in and presses his lips softly on the corner of Harry’s mouth and he can feel the younger boy’s lips moving to a curve. After that he rests his forehead against Harry’s and presses a soft kiss there.

“It’s about time you wake up, Haz.”

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, if anyone was wondering, I originally posted this in three chapters but then I decided to morph it into one because it's too short to be chaptered.  
> For anyone who has read it, thank you! Feel free to leave a comment and point out my mistakes because as I stated earlier this is my first fanfiction and English isn't my first language.  
> All sorts of comments are appreciated.  
> Big hugs! xx


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